we’re friends and she can call me just about anything; it doesn’t matter

“you’re rude.”

a friend of mine told me. i am guessing i probably made her throw the last straw with my cruel, impersonal views on love and happiness.  well, there was no remaining straw in my part, either.  i had enough of their miseducation a long time ago and i am so bloody tired of hearing it.

i do not want to sound cynical on valentine’s day but some people just kill me over and over again. 

love is not the answer to everything, for flying rat ass’ sake.  if love is a 6-foot real person, he would have jumped off the cliff a long time ago with all the responsibilities we have tossed to him. i am sure he did not ask for nor want the overrated attention, it is enough for him that two people found satisfaction and fulfillment in each other. he doesn’t want to worry about why our career sucks or why we are spending our friday nights alone.  he doesn’t want to blame the weight we cannot control nor the  face we are born with nor the ex-es who made our lives miserable.

he doesn’t want his name dragged into the issue of blaming this cruel fate we have to the relationship we never gotten over in the first place.

i fancy, if love knows about the things we have done in his name, he would have committed suicide.

she then asked me if i believe in online relationship.

“believe in it? like if it works or if it doesn’t?” i clarified.

“you know, like believe in it like you believe in love at first sight.”

i find the idea of love at first sight preposterous and insulting to the whole essence of love itself.  it was the hormones, folks. the bloody hormones.  i told her so. 

“it does happen you know.”

“people are misinformed, that is what it is.” i said.

“so what about online relationship?  i am sure your views are different.”

how could it be different?  except for the fact that the former (e.g. love at first sight) only takes one lingering moment of burning stares to bring the word connection to a different light and the latter consists of a world of yahoo emoticons and 9×12 webcams to compensate for the impossibility of human touch.  strip that and you are staring at similar apples.

no offense to the ones who worship the idea of love at first sight or online relatonship because they have experienced it.  but i am sure something happened after that one lingering moment was over; i am sure they have approached each other then and talked.  and i strongly believe online relationships ended the moment two people actually met and i am sure the sex was good, too. 

so, no, my views on the two are not different.  i told her so. 

“you’re a hypocrite.  i wonder what will david think.”

in our world, friends can tell friends anything; we like it better that way.

“i am not being a hypocrite.”  i told her.  “that is my belief.”

“your beliefs do not complement the situation you brought upon yourself.” she pointed out, stressing on the “you brought upon yourself” in a this-is-your-goddamn-theory-so-you-fucking-practice-it tone of voice. 

“people who profess love of somebody they haven’t meet in person do so with the idea of taking it to a higher level. to do that, of course, there is a need for a physical meeting.  online marriage or confirmation of vows is just plainly ridiculous and an absolute mockery.  so no, i do not believe on the independence of an online relationship.  there has to be more to it than that.”

“there is the burning desire.” she insisted.  “i do not like talking to you, you are putting logic in everything. it is so impersonal.”

“how could logic be impersonal?  it is like saying humans act without reason.  logic guides reason!”  i shot back.

i didn’t know when we exactly started arguing.  but then, this is not the first time.

“your logic’s one grumpy, miserable thing.”

“and you romanticize everything.”

we stopped talking for a moment, each buried deep in our thoughts.  i could only guess what hers was. i was rather thinking i am really tired talking about what love really is.  people have so many different versions of it and it does made me rather sad that i am always disrupting their notion about it just because i believe differently. 

she spoke up, “do you want another cup of coffee?”


“buy me one?” she said, grinning.

i smiled and we stood up and approached the counter.


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