i believe pain pacifies everything else, how could i not?

david once asked me why i adore james blunt; he quite did not understand all the fuss i made about him. i told david that james blunt is so gorgeous, plus his songs are really beautiful.

and in his authentic british accent, david chuckled, “oh, i pick my singers by the quality of their voice, honey. not that of their face.”

when you think about it, we see a lot of people for all the wrong reasons; but somehow these wrong reasons made the whole thing feels right. but david does have a point, and him being way musically literate than i am, it is rubbish to even argue my case.

however, my adoration for james blunt replicates my attitude on most things that enamor me. and i love james blunt not for his voice but for the kind of thoughts i generate when i listen to the passion of his voice when he sings. in a sort of mystical way, he was the needle [not a needle, cause that entirely changes the whole essence], and he is pricking me. do not get the metaphor wrong. pain has nothing to do with this, lest you might have misunderstood the “pricking”. i was referring to the extent of an external force having such an impact in one’s life. and that these forces are present because we consciously embraced their existence.

and so i say, you matter to me because i made you matter to me. all that shits about having no control over anything that influence my life is pure-nonsense. if i hold that as true, it would be like saying i am washing my hands from any responsibility for what happens next. i take credit for all that happened to me, bad and good alike. the bad decisions are only bad as long as i refuse to learn from their consequences.

i admit now i do look at a lot of people for all the wrong reasons. they are not only wrong, they are selfish reasons, too, because they benefit me first and foremost. and i knew a lot of people gave up on me already. it didnt and doesnt hurt that they did; but it made me sad nevertheless. if i have to build up on that, it even makes the whole thing worse. to know that there is no pain to accompany sadness is difficult, i tell you. when one is hurt, it is easy to cope with anything else. pain, ironically, pacifies everything else. it makes the rest nothing more but an aftermath of such; and pain no matter how you argue over its facade, it still has a physical element to it and therefore, curable. but without it, how does one cope with sadness? or anger? or disappointment? or frustrations?

there was something in hornby’s “high fidelity” that struck a chord. he talked of people getting hurt and immersed in listening to sad love songs. and that in most cases than not, a lot of people continued listening to these shits way after the pain was over. if i was part of hornby’s novel, i would have offered him an explanation.

but i wasn’t.

and so i get high on james blunt’s songs.

they are bloody sad.


About this entry