and yes, anger is consuming me.

i am taking my ford lynx ghia back to the metropolis.

after i fired my driver last november, and after a month of going back to driving on my own, i realized i am not the one for the road. i cannot stand the metro manila traffic when i am handling the wheel and i really am bad at parking my car. and so, when i left DKSH, i decided to leave the Honda car with them.

it was quite a relief when i do not have to pay for a monthly parking of a car i rarely used. taking cabs worked well with me. i do not have to allot an allowance for gas or repairs or maintenance.

but then there are times when i wish i had a car back here again. times like when the taxi queue at the malls is so long and i have seven or eight grocery bags with me. times like when its friday night and i am stuck in makati and it is just so difficult to get a cab ride home. times like when we are all sitting at home on a saturday and everything is hot (including our heads) and a trip to the beaches in batangas would have solved the problem. times like when david is here and every cab driver in town is trying to rip us off.

and so, i am shipping back my ford lynx ghia back to the metropolis.

“its not working.” my brother told me.

“what do you mean not working?” i asked him. i know it badly needed maintenance. it was the car i purchased when i was still with Procter and Gamble. it has survived three crashes and has been wrecked twice and i have been broke spending a lot on getting it fixed and brand-new looking again. i shipped it back to the province when the company i transferred to had a managerial car scheme benefit; there was no use having two cars here.

“it stopped working. nobody knows how to fix it.”

i saw the car when i went home last christmas. the leather seats looked so old like it has been through a lot and there are scratches everwhere. the passenger window doesn’t open. the left headlight is broken.

and it looked like it was gang-raped and left to rot.

i didn’t mind it then, though. it was, at least, running. but thinking about it now, it made me angry. must i have to fix everything, every fucking thing, person, or memories, before i can take them back?

funny. i was not angry when i started writing this. and now,

now, i cannot even continue.

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