premature return; yes, i am back.

the truth of the matter is, mourning is short and forgetting, long.

as much as i have wanted to keep quiet and leave my blog alone, it turned out that there really isn’t enough reason to. i would still rather not talk about what happened; or why it was all over; or how did we arrive from “doing quite alright” to “this is not working out”.

i did cry afterwards. i cried so hard i was a wreck. not everybody noticed it; because most of everybody stopped caring or never really started to. which was pretty alright with me. attention often sensationalized reality. i cried not for the loss or the regret. i cried because i seriously felt the desire to.

but you know what? something beautiful is growing. and it being totally separate and independent and unlinked to all these makes me feel different. it is like getting lost and finding one’s self again. it is liking the feeling of being watched when not looking. it is the comfort of knowing that it is okay to drift with the madness and the chaos and the confusion because i drift through them complete and whole.

to truly love one’s self, unconditionally and in total surrender, that is what matters. we do not run around this lifetime with half a broken heart and expects somebody to keep the missing piece and glue it back for us. our happiness is our responsibility, not someone else’s.

to fully make ourselves happy, that makes life complete. and the realization that somebody can actually make us smile- that is what makes life beautiful.


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