letter 12: confusion


all you have to do, Miguel, was pretend i was not mad at you, talk to me like i was not angry with you, and bug me as if your everyday presence is not draining the life out of me and all the frustrations, desperations, and disenchantments bubbled out and disappeared.

and whenever you do that, i have a feeling you knew exactly what it does to me. you are killing me, Miguel. will you ever let me go?

author’s note: it wasn’t for the lack of capability in her part to walk away before she would finally found herself trapped in a madness that she had willed herself into. it was, rather, the lack of will for doing it. she was happy, in spite of the occasional pains she felt. and she was not about to give up that happiness unless he would like to snatch it from her. for her, this was an act of the romantic.

but if she could only understand her feelings better, she would realize it was an initial act of irresponsibility. she does not want to take risks this time, in spite of the fact that she was always been a risk-taker. not taking the responsibility of not walking away would spare her from a probability of her regretting the decision later on. she had always thought that it would be easier, if things fell apart, to move on without guilty conscience or regret.

she is about to find out the truth.


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