the thing with zsolt

“baby,” zsolt told me. “i have been naughty today.”

another toy. a camera, im sure. i thought but asked aloud, “what did you buy?”

“i went to the shop and errr…. bought another A640.” he answered. he bought an A640 (Canon 10.0mp Point and Shoot Camera) a week before his scheduled trip here last August. he flooded it in a Yapak Dive in Boracay, two days before he was flying back to Sydney. yes, $350 just like that. gone. poof. nada.

“why am i not surprised.” i commented and chuckled. “although, it isn’t that bad. you are still going to need one for underwater, really.”

he was considering a G9 or a 400D. thank God he didn’t buy either of those.

“i was thinking i have a big bike ride in the coming weeks and it would be quite frustrating if i do not have a camera with me then.” he said. but of course, for zsolt, he needs a reason to do something. and for the A640, that was reason enough for him. not that it matter he has a Pentax and a Canon Ixus. no, no, no, it has to be something much nicer than the two. thus, the A640.

perhaps, i have learned to know zsolt more than we both have credited i do. dating him is like holding the tip of an iceberg; you know there is so much more than what you have seen; it is just a matter of discovering it. the road to that discovery is not smooth, i have found myself asking in the last few weeks if it was worth the journey at all. for both of us, more so. i cannot go down that road without his direction. and he cannot direct me down that road without his intention.

how does one decide which relationship to keep, anyway? you do not dive into one in the hopes of changing the other because unlike a business acquisition, you do not put value on a partner now based on what you can make him to be in the future. i do not date men to change them because i do not date men i do not like in the first place. and if i like them as they are, what is there to change?

but on the other hand, a relationship is a work in progress. there are just some things you cannot do now that you are seeing somebody compared to when you are still single. not that being in a relationship restricts your freedom, but rather, that it is still there but you would rather share it.

i told zsolt that.

and that i need as much strength as he needs understanding. it is already bad enough that we are both so far away to wait for that perfect moment to show each other how this whole thing means for us. besides, i am not that kind of girl. i do not hold on unto something so crappy now because it MIGHT be going to be very beautiful in the future- unless we are talking of stocks or bonds or any other monetary investments.

this is me. my heart on my sleeves, my thoughts on my mouth.

it either works or doesn’t.


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