tell it to the marines.

how do you explain pain on something totally unrelated when you are in the state of happiness?

i just got off from an unexpected phone call a few minutes ago. and couldn’t understand why i was crying upon hearing that voice. it wasn’t the meat of the conversation for the topic was trivial and random. it was the tone of the voice and how i can seem to remember it so well: the fluctuations, the accent, the sound.

the break up may have been sudden for both david and i but it was something we both seen coming then. and so, to say that we were totally clueless as to where the relationship would end is very silly. we knew it was going to end, it was just a matter of when. he had reiterated this in not so distant past ago.

i remember telling zsolt a good few months back that i felt very strange: being heartbroken and happy at the same time, both totally unrelated to each other. zsolt had a theory then and although i cannot quite remember what it is now, i knew it has something to do with the sections of the brain segregating events for the sanity of the mind (how cool is that theory???).

perhaps, i cried- upon hearing David’s voice- because there was absolutely no bitterness there whilst i can clearly recall how i may have been too harsh with his shortcomings and totally clueless of my own.

how do we decide which relationship to keep anyway? i have asked this once before. how do we weigh such?

a couple of weeks back, in the height of my anger, i told zsolt this arrangement must have worked really well for him. with me three thousand miles away and such, and he can go on with his daily routine and can dismiss confronting me with a flick of a switch.

“i would rather have you here slacking with me on the couch doing nothing rather than having both of us glued in front of our laptop screens.” he said.

perhaps, i cried- upon hearing David’s voice- because i realized that not all relationships that ended will be like that of me and Deo. and that any effort to try and make it less normal is disastrous.

and perhaps, in less than three weeks time, i can sit on the couch with zsolt and ponder about his crazy relationship theories and come up with some explanation of my behaviour today. and perhaps, after that, we shall take Viggo for a walk and watch the sun retiring from Coogee Beach.


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