the Christmas as we knew it.

zsolt was telling me it will be all gloomy and dark when i arrived in Sydney; what was supposedly summer turned out to be days of frequent rain and storm.

hmmmn.

i really do not care if it rains but then i realized that zsolt wanted the weather back to what it is supposed to be. and i looked at the kind of clothes i am bringing to OZ and there’s summer written all over them.

i am so running out of time. i spent so much time complaining about not having so much time left and still a lot of stuff to do that i ended up not getting anything done at all! but Christmas Holidays always wear me out. it doesn’t help that i love it because that means i cannot just ignore it.

i love Christmas Holidays; perhaps, not as much as i used to but love it still, nevertheless. i can still remember the time when we all start counting down as early as October, booking and buying tickets by first week of November and taking two weeks off from work for a trip back to the province. that has always been the biggest and longest and grandest holidays for us.

and the folks back in the province, they anticipated our coming home for the holidays.

and then the christmas holidays started getting shorter last year. what used to be a 2-week holiday turned into a “home for the Christmas weekend” affair. we flew in, celebrated Christmas Eve and flew out the day after. the strange thing was, even though christmas eve dinner and drink with family and relatives was a blast, we didn’t quite feel bad we have to leave (like we always did years back).

i wouldn’t say we like it less now (e.g. spending Christmas with the family) because we still truly feels there is no Christmas like home, Christmas like we knew it. perhaps, we just grew up a little and realized we do not really need to tag it to Christmas to reunite and catch up on each other’s lives.

perhaps, jesse and i thought (she is not going home, either) that mother wouldn’t really mind, that lola would understand, that our aunts and uncles will hope we make it next year, that our siblings and cousins and nephews and nieces would not really give a damn if we are there or not. perhaps, jesse and i thought it would have been entirely a different case if father was back in the province; it’s been so long since he celebrated christmas with us. and we longed everyday for him to come back.

or, perhaps, really, that we just grow out of it: the whole Christmas essence thing. i would rather not think of that because it is not something i sure would want to become.

i do not want to outgrow the Christmas as i knew it. i did believe in Santa; the socks we put up when we were kids always end up with lots of candies and chocolates the morning after. we had different christmas theme for the christmas tree every year. we exchanged gifts. we went to church together. we listened to carols every night. and tne Christmas holidays were always the best way to end the year.

perhaps, we all grew out of it at some level, at some point. i hope that isn’t a bad thing.

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