is it worth it? is it?

perhaps, i thought as i was eating my breakfast on my desk this morning, that i was too cocky to think this is going to be very easy for me.

i cannot remember when was the last time i had a decent lunch or breakfast- not counting the ones i had when zsolt was around nor the “lunch outs” i had related to work. it was always meals on my desk and sometimes 18-24 hours spent at work that i might as well have, as my CEO half-jokingly expressed, “literally lived in my own corner for a while”.

what was i thinking? running a department five times bigger than the section i used to handle just six months before is definitely shocking my body clock. and that it takes a painkiller for my headache to put me to sleep is alarming enough you would wonder why i am still not seeing a doctor. and to think that i do not even have to pay a single cent for it because i have a corporate HMO account which limit i cannot even exhaust even if i get myself checked in every week…you would start to think i am going insane.

in fact, at this very moment as i am writing this, i think i am going insane. but it takes one sane person to be able to assess one’s own sanity so i do not think i am mad at all.

a few days back as i push the door to my apartment open, i thought whether the money could compensate for what my days are like now: lost sleep, restlessness, lousy meals, extended working hours. it seems that i have traded one month of working like a lunatic to earn two days worth of holiday.

the funny thing about all this is that i love what i am doing. the lost sleep, the restlessness, the pressure, the stress included. to be 27 and five years ahead of where i had foreseen myself at the workplace. surely that is something. and, money is not an issue now. if i can find time, i can go anywhere i want.

an acquaintance of mine caught up with me online over the weekend and asked, “don’t you have plans on a saturday night?”

i cannot remember when was the last time i went out on a saturday night. perhaps, it was for the lack of preferred company. perhaps, it was the body yearning for a home spa treatment instead. perhaps, it was the analysis the CEO wanted before the weekend was over. no, i cannot remember when was the last time i went out on a saturday night.

i told dani once, manila was all work and bad habits. i guess, it still didn’t change.

i have totally forgotten how to have fun in the city that i have to buy freaking plane tickets to some destination island in this archipelago to get drunk.

hah. money cannot buy you happiness. but it lets you be unhappy in nicer places.


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