just let go of people, margarette.

the thing with time is, it sneaks up on you when you aren’t counting.

barely a few sleeps since new year, i looked the calendar and noticed i am less than a week from June. and since June is one sneaky month- it won’t be long til it is over. And that basically makes up for the first half of the year.

when i was young, i couldn’t wait to grow up. get school done and over with so i can land a job, buy a house, get a nice car, marry and have kids. (trust me, it all sounded so easy then- and i was all willing to give up that two and a half months school vacation in a year for having to earn my own money and spend it my way). but now that i am all grown up and almost a decade out of school, i am thinking time passes by too fast for comfort.

my youngest sibling who could barely walk when i was in college will be starting university in three years time. and where i always find myself the youngest in the group- may it be in a school batch or the company i worked for- half my company’s employees now are younger than i am.

a couple of days back, paopao’s youngest sister surprised me with a daughter and her 19-year old self. it didn’t feel that long ago when i went out with her (she was 12 then) for an ice cream and she looked straight at me and said, “they are not seeing each other anymore. you and kuya pao should get back together again.” i almost choked. though my history with paopao went all the way back, whatever it was between us was done and over with even before i reached 19. funny how things are in the eyes of the child. but that’s child’s all grown up now as well.

did time cheat on me when i wasn’t keeping tabs?

i never felt like i am running out of time than i am now. almost overnight, i found myself grasping a number of realities and i could vividly hear them ticking away. jesse’s future. rovic’s culinary aspirations. rovimae’s first job. junjun and vr’s university tuition. my parent’s retirement. my retirement. zsolt’s relocation. my career. my subordinates’ careers. places i still have to visit. things i am yet to do. and the list goes on and on and on.

mother says i worry about people and things a lot that i tend to control them. i want to disagree with her but mother is often right about these sort of things. in an almost-sick kind of way, i want to be responsible for every single stuff that happens around me.

just a few days back, i told mother that jesse is indeed seeing some guy. “why doesn’t she introduce him to us? what is there to hide?” i frowned.

“maybe it isn’t serious and she doesn’t find a need to get his identity known.” mother replied.

“but she should know better. when is she ever gonna get serious?” i groaned.

(it does sound like our roles have interchanged, mother and i).

“she is an adult. let her be. she can decide for herself.” she said.

i insisted, “but she ought to be more responsible getting us informed. we don’t even know the guy…!”

“it is not your responsibility to worry about it. i suggest you let it go.” mother said with finality in her voice. i wonder why mother behaves that way sometimes; i always think she could have behaved more like me. but then, i was never down the path of motherhood and she has been there seven times over. perhaps, that is wisdom earned through experience and not logic.

maybe, just maybe, i am one schemy, little control freak. i really ought to go back to writing novels. it is safer to control identities that way.


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