this is it. it has started!

this is it.

as Zsolt is celebrating my mother’s 51st birthday mingling with my 16 year old brother and half a dozen of his highschool friends, drinking rhumcoke, San Mig lights, and Red Horse… i am tapping my laptop keyboard trying to figure out when it is that labor will exactly be going to get worse.

i feel like it is all surreal. i had expected the worse starting from the onset of labor.i do know this is going to be difficult in a matter of hours- and i would probably be screaming and kicking and crying (i am sure of that) as the labor progresses. for now, it seems like strange to be able to do other stuff and have a perfectly normal feeling in between contractions.

am i excited? i guess at this stage, i want this done and over with more than anything else. i feel like i have come at the end of the line. i want to see grape, hold her, hear her cries, stop worrying about whether or not my blood sugar level affects her. i do miss being able to sleep at any position comfortably or lie on my stomach. i miss coffee and coke and junk foods and 101 things i either skip or eat in moderation to keep a healthy pregnancy.

more than anything else, i feel like a new chapter of my life is suspended until the arrival of Grape.

i’d do anything to get her to pop out in the next couple of hours (i did a lot of reading and this early labor thingy could stretch up to 12 hours before the more exhaustive, extensive labor begins). as i said, i am at the end of the line with this pregnancy and i am getting impatient and i really, really want to see Grape now.

another mild contraction has come and go, signifying a rhythm. maybe i should shower now. maybe i should sleep. maybe i should do a little bit of work to keep my mind off it (you know how time flies when you are not guarding it). maybe i should get some last minute prenatal shoots with the Sigma 50mm 1.4 (that lens could take awesome profile pics). or maybe Zsolt and i should get around that conversation we so need to talk about but seems so irrelevant at this point.

i could only hope i go through this labor quickly and suddenly. and maybe with a little bit of style.

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